Not that I really need one – my old mobile phone still works – but I thought, being as it's my birthday today, I might treat myself to one that looks a bit prettier or maybe has a longer battery run before needing to be charged. But when all you want to do is use it to make and receive calls, all the other shit that comes with them can be a nightmare. Especially if you're not a tech freak. I mean, first it was smoke signals and a flaggy thing called semaphore. Then someone invented postage stamps so you could write to people and if you were lucky, they'd write back. Nice. Genteel. Civilised. And then the telephone appeared. Seemed simple enough. What would Alexander Graham Bell think, if he was alive today?
I only went in really just to check out the selection.
Spotty faced little salesman brought out hundreds for inspection
Sony Ericson and Vodaphone, Samsung and Nokia.
L.G. and Blackberry and some from Motorola.
Slide tops, flip tops, different coloured cases.
You could even change their languages to suit the varied races.
A few were even waterproof, in case you dropped 'em while out sailing.And you can connect to the internet to do all your e-mailing.
It was explained, not without pain, about all the applications.
You can take photos and videos and record conversations.
Big screens, small screens, touch screens in high definition.
I'm not too sure but I think I saw, one that carried ammunition.
I-phones, Smart phones, phones that boot up your computer.
Before he finished, how I wished, I was carrying a shooter
Half way through the special deals he was getting on my tits
So I grabbed him by his collar, and I kneed him in his bits.
Staring him right in the eye I said, "Now look 'ere son.
I only want to make phone calls, so trot out your cheapest one."
Think I'll stick with the old one.